A Letter to a Young Man

Bob Helms, PO Box 42531, Philadelphia PA 19101-2531

October 1, 2002

Dear M______ B_____,

I received your note regarding the chance of your finding work as a guinea pig after your release from prison. I don't think I can be an awful lot of help, but I might be able to clear up some basic questions for you.

I don't know of any drug research units that use normal healthy subjects in California, nor on the west coast in general. Also, it's been a while since I even tried to keep up-to-date lists of units. Here are areas in the USA where one can get decently-paid drug studies: Austin, TX; Waukegan, IL; Evanston, IL; Philadelphia, PA has 3 places; Neptune, NJ; Hamilton, NJ; Richmond, VA; Some town in Kansas; Washington, DC; Miami, FL; Research Triangle area, NC; Indianapolis, IN; Cincinnati ∓ Cleveland, OH; and there might be a few that I don't know about.

Everywhere else has studies to volunteer for, but they don't involve experimental drugs, so there won't be any money worth traveling for. You'd just go to any medical college and look on the bulletin boards at the library or the cafeteria. And you can call in at any hospital and ask whether they have clinical trials seeking volunteers - ask for the clinical research unit, if they have one. Look in the paper too. If any advertisement wants a finders fee from you, or if they say you'll get paid to get laid or stoned, they're thieves. Give them nothing. Never buy a list of addresses and phone numbers for study recruiters, because that's another scam. Once you do one or two of these things, you'll get all the numbers you need for free from other guinea pigs you'll meet.

Please remember one thing above all else. There is no glamour, no financial paradise, and no wonderful adventure in being a career guinea pig. Let it be a way to patch you through life until you find an apprenticeship in a trade, or get a little business going. If you stick to doing studies for a living, your life will become a very small thing.

By the way, your letter was one page long, you made your point clearly, there was no cute baloney thrown in there to impress me, and you gave me all the information I needed in order to reply. This means that, at twenty-one, you know a few things that many people never learn, even after trying for years and years. Please try your hand at writing as a serious endeavor. I'm sending you a copy of Guinea Pig Zero #8, which is the last one out, and I hope you will send me your 'zine as a trade.

I hope that this note finds you in good spirits.

In Solidarity,

Bob Helms